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User talk:Yukishy1523
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Yuki bloodborn page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 20:54, September 15, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:55, September 15, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. There are a number of wording, capitalization, punctuation, and story issues. Wording: homophone issues. "And tonight we're going to bring you too (to) our home", "thanks too my father", "what happened too me" etc. Run on sentences: "Then I heard my mom call for me to come inside because it was my seventh birthday today and my dad was carrying a big box that looked like one from his workshop where he was making weapons my father was a blacksmith and my mother was a news reporter.", "After all that my family left the presents and drove away as I was opening them I found a red cloak with runes sewn into it and when i (I) started to put it on my mother came in and tried to stop me but I didn't hear her and when I put it all the was on I felt my ears get pointed and I felt my canines grow extemely sharp." (Also missing commas and semicolons) Punctuation: commas missing where a pause is implied. "When I looked up(,) the tall man was gone." Other issues will be noted in the other sections. Capitalization: words improperly capitalized. "you (You) are yuki (Yuki) blood born (Bloodborn)(comma missing) a vampire.". "I" needs to be capitalized. "Then i (I) saw a girl holding a stuffed bear and she had blood dripping down her face, then (redundant) i (I) saw another girl who had a white mask with eye holes so she could look at me, I then (third time) saw a boy who looked like link (Link) who was holding a sword, then (4th time) a pale teenage boy who had a smile carved into his face while holding a knife. (Multiple spinoff violations)". "I saw cheered as they said my new name yuki (Yuki) bloodborn. (Bloodborn)" Story issues: your story was a spinoff which violates our rules. (Slender man, Ticcy Toby, Laughing Jack, etc.) " I started to move closer to the big rock where stood a tall man without a face." (Slender man). "I then noticed he was holding somthing with a circle and an X through it he then gave it too (to) me(punctuation missing) I then looked at the front of the paper and it had the words... (Operator symbol.) Story issues cont.: "This time my father made me a real scythe out of iron and nickle which made it seem like it had swirls spinning around the blade and shaft and when I touched it the scythe started too glow a blood red color and my eyes widened as my eyes turned red and my black with white highlights turned completely white and my mother's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open." First off, that's a run on sentence and why is the father giving a 7 year old a real scythe? Even if they lived in a rural setting, a scythe makes no sense as a present. (especially for a child). Finally, I would strongly suggest looking over this guide on OC/CPCs. This story feels like a vehicle for your CPC and not an actual attempt at horror. (The premise is basically a girl going to slender manor with a bunch of other OCs. There're no real horror elements here and this feels more like an introduction to your character than an attempt to write a story. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here and due to the premise and our site rules, I really think this story is going to need a massive amount of re-writing and work to even stand a chance at passing our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:57, September 15, 2015 (UTC)